From the beginning....

I have been thinking for a long time that I would eventually tell my story here for those that know me best to truely understand me but have never felt the time was right. But last week, I joined a blogger group and feel it necessary to those that will read my blogs to understand me...all of me. Also, on Sunday (Mother's Day 2012) I got engaged to the love of my life that knows alot, but still doesnt know everything.  These are the reasons I write.....
In 1974, at age 2, I was taken from my birth family because of sexual and physical abuse. I went through YEARS of hating everyone simply because I had no idea who they were and exactly what had been done to me. I love my birth brothers (who were not taken into custody)--I always have. They had problems that I never did. I hate that...I can't change it, but I hate it. I do believe that I have problems with the world around me that they will never have. I have trust issues, the feeling that everyone lies to you simply because they won't come face to face with the truth. Every sexually abused child has issues with love, and pushing those loved ones away simply so you dont get hurt daily by them. It is something that a "normal" person cannot possibly understand unless they have been the pusher or the pushee. I joke about this, but it truely is scary and devastating. It is not something that we set out to do, we just do it to cover the pain that has been our lives and try to prevent anymore hurt. When you look at the picture above, you see that pain in the baby's eyes. I look at those eyes and feel the same pain I felt 38 years ago.
To be continued.....